Fuck Youtube

Seriously, fuck that shit. And fuck CBS, too. Also copyrights. Fuck them, too. If you don’t want someone to copy your ideas, don’t share them with anyone. And certainly don’t have delusions that you could make a living off your ideas. Better to get paid minimum wage flipping burgers, or better still, prove that your dislike of making money is a disability and live off the dole instead.

Here, have a video I tried to upload to YouTube as unlisted, but they took my unlisted privilege away because I stole some advertisement revenue away from CBS.

I’m the most well adjusted person there is

I swear. Really. I’m totally not a basement dweller. My house doesn’t even have a basement. Oh, look, a bird in the yard. Hello, Mr. Bird. Tweet, tweet.

So, anyone have any inspirational ideas I can start coding on, that you think will actually sound interesting to me, and I’ll actually be likely to start and finish? I have Squarepusher/twinaphex of the RetroArch project asking for help with the sound code in their nxengine / Cave Story implementation, and I also tried to take on implementing a Joystick 2 object for the Anaconda runtime, and even at one point, I had the inspiration to take the fmmidi midisynth.cpp and turn it into a DLS/SF2 sample synthesizer with full reverb support, which sounds like a fun project.

Meanwhile, in the gaming department, I want to pick up Borderlands 2 again and rebuild my favorite and only completed character, Gaige, to be like this, and see if it makes playing the True Vault Hunter Mode more than just a boring slog through too-hard enemies, in the same game I just played through most of the way several times with different characters before I settled on this character. It really is more fun with more people, but there never is a time when everyone I know will be on to play it, and the one person I spent the most Borderlands series time playing with is waiting to buy Borderlands 2 when the game comes bundled with all the DLC for some cheap price in some sort of Game of the Year edition, rather than plonking down $90 on the whole lot like I did.

I also need to pick up Brutal Doom¬†again, it is pretty fun. Of course, as I start to get killed, I start to abuse save files. Of course, Brutal Doom did pleasantly surprise me by restarting me on the level with the same equipment and health as I started it with, instead of doing like regular Doom would and starting me with nothing. I kind of would like to broadcast it as well, but it seems there’s precious damn little good software for Linux to do that. Cursed Windows bias on the market.

I also bought an ebook reader, namely the Nook Simple Touch with Glowlight, which is basically just $20 more for a Nook Simple Touch that has a front lighting system. I’ve heard from my brother, who got one for Christmas, that with regular use of the device, and irregular use of the light, he managed to make his first charge last about a month. Not bad. Then I can buy all those books I was either too embarrassed to buy in print form, too unsure to go browsing for myself, or too unsure to pay for without at least reading a few chapters first, all with the convenience of instant electronic payment and near instant reception of the goods. Maybe it will even arrive today so I can start reading again, free of the distraction of email, IRC, and IM notifications, the urge to look things up in my web browser, and all that other good stuff that comes from sitting in front of a computer for hours at a time.

Of Tangents and Such

I seem to be going off on tangents a lot lately, my mind is going 90 miles an hour, every which way. People keep giving me more ideas for things I should be doing, adding to my plate more and more crap I may or may not finish, or even start, for that matter. And now I’m thinking randomly about sexual things at the worst times, wishing I could be doing things to someone in person, right now. It may be my medication, except I’ve been happily medicated by the same crap for six years now, until over a year ago when my doctor decided to switch me to some newer still-patented medication, which seemed to work out okay for a while, then she switched me to another medication that would put me to sleep on the spot within an hour of taking it, which I had to do twice daily. I became restless and combative after taking that for less than a week, so I switched back to my first medication, which I thankfully still had a backlog of, which lasted me until I got to see my doctor again and asked her to switch me back to it permanently.

Things have been different since switching back to this medication. Now, I get tired and feel my will to do anything productive completely drain away within two hours of taking it, and if I do manage to make myself get ready for bed, take my sleeping medication, and go to sleep in my bed proper, I sleep for roughly 12 hours, regardless of how long I stayed awake. And when I finally do wake up, I don’t feel like getting up for almost an hour, lying there in bed, absorbed in my thoughts. I think of things I did or people I conversed with the previous day, and imagine lengthy conversation scenarios, instead of actually getting up and having real conversations.

And none of the medications I’m currently on are really helping with my apparent crippling social anxiety. I really should talk with my doctor more about this shit, except half the time I can’t understand a fucking word she’s saying, because she speaks quickly in a very thick Asian accent. And I’d rather not tell the clinic that I want to be switched to a different doctor, because it seems the only time they ever do that, like the last two times, is because my existing doctor is moving to a different clinic or for other reasons that they have to drop all of their patients. And it’s not like I’m paying top dollar for my care, just sub-$100 based on my income, per year.

They’ve suggested group therapy a few times, but I don’t think I could talk about a lot of the things that are bothering me in front of 10-20 other people with varying mental problems. Yeah, I totally want to tell a bunch of strange people in person that now, more than ever, I totally crave the cock. I want one shoved in my mouth right this very second. And maybe in my ass as well. Both at once would be a bonus. Oh, and I’m infatuated with all things about the furry fandom, from cutesy drawings to anyone with a cutesy Internet handle that either makes them look like a furry, or through Google searches reveals them to be one. Yeah, I don’t want to talk about that face to face without having some sense that the people I’m talking with can relate in any way.

Oh yeah, treading on water here posting this on a page that’s readily Google indexed. Don’t really want extended family seeing this, but hey, they’re bound to discover it some day. The thrill of risking exposure, that’s another thing that gets me off. Maybe there’s a magic pill that can fix that, too.